Ngemz’s voice sounded like he was in a state of panic. It was scary listening to the recorded phone conversation he had with Vin. He sounded terrified. And high. Very high. All Nguis have been with Ngemz in his absolute inebriated state and it was unanimously agreed that he had been high on something else apart from alcohol during that phone conversation. There must have been something else Ngemz had taken. The worst Ngemz does is blackout when he can no longer bear his high.
Remember him and Vin are the crown kings of blacking out the most times while drunk. Vin’s is special however because it comes with some kind of possession where he can no longer take charge of his own body. ‘Zombie mode’ we call it. He can unceremoniously storm out and walk aimlessly and sometimes even interact with people but remember nothing the next day. He once left OJ at a parking lot after they had drinks and were meant to leave together. The zombie attack possessed him as he reversed his car while poor OJ was helping him watch the rear from outside. After maneuvering, he engaged the drive gear and sped off. He couldn’t remember if he was in the company of anyone. OJ was forced to Nduthify himself home. He must have felt hurt, but that’s what makes the story even funnier.
For Ngemz, that was not the case. He sounded paranoid. Like someone who needed urgent help. He was using Gaceri’s phone, the lass behind our Ngui’s trip to Dar. Ngemz was whispering and sounded like he had locked himself somewhere he couldn’t be heard while he used the phone. There was some background music from afar. His speech wasn’t coherent and he swallowed some words. He sounded as if he could break down the next second. He tried to call Vin the first time then the concerned Vin called him back and recorded the conversation that he would later share with the group. The Dar story is a mysterious tale most of us have never understood to date. It was a dark moment.
I met Gaceri slightly over a year ago. Ngemz introduced me to her in a club and we were later enjoying a sensual dance together that brought out some carnal desires. She hadn’t already hit it off with Ngemz. She lived in Dar and was around for a short visit of some sort. She was beautiful and her spoken Swahili was impeccable. She could also give a brother a good grinding on the dance floor. As we sat for a breather and to wet our throats, a Nameless song kept playing in my head where he goes like, ‘Niko na mupango, mupango iko kwako, mupango iko kwako.’ Little did I know that the Onyancha in Ngemz had even a bigger and elaborate mupango than mine.
The second and last time I met her was when they came to crash at my place for a night. At that point they already had a thing going on. My earlier thoughts and mupangos diminished in thin air. She was now a no-go-zone in bro code lingo. We enjoyed ourselves that night. I, however, noticed that she didn’t drink much. Her specialty was the Mary Jane. She could constantly blow on that sensi and still be in her best behavior. I remember thinking to myself, ‘huyu ni mkora.’
Ngemz confided in a few people about his trip to Dar. I was one of them. He mentioned of a prospective business that he wanted to chase. ‘Was Ngemz that in love that he wanted to relocate?’ I thought. He kept assuring me that he was not planning to stay there for long, probably a few days and he would be back. It was hard to believe. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Ngemz was a Tanzanian.
I remember one day thinking I had missed the nigga (no homo – if I fail to add that phrase a stubborn Ngui by the name Githae will be all up in my case. Haya Githae I hope umefurahi). I was with Sithe in a pub in Langata where we decided to video chat him and know how he was fairing on in the land of Maghufuli. He looked happy. He was sitting outdoors in a verandah in shorts and a vest plus a party cup stood next to him. With all the smiles he was expressing, there was no way the party cup could have harboured tea. Such a typical Ngui. It was a great moment to see that he was doing fine. The reception became unclear so we salud and hang up.
In the recording, Ngemz kept accusing Vin of having an affair with Gacheri.
Buda unawezaje nifanyia hivyo?
Nini Ngemz? Sikuelewi.
Wewe na Gacheri mshawai kuwa na kitu?
Eish, Ngemz, sare mandukulu men. Hizo vitu zinakufuck.
Apana. Si story na ndukulu. Yani unaweza nifanyia hivyo?
Wewe Ngemz unasound ni kama hauko sawa. Uko Dar wapi?
Mimi niko poa. Nataka tu uniambie ukweli.
By the way Ngemz, unachizi.
The back and forth went on and on. Vin was accused of traveling to Dar and having an affair with Gaceri. He even pointed out dates that Gaceri was constantly out of the house allegedly going out to meet Vin in undisclosed places. Moreover, Ngemz also accused Vin of being Gaceri’s baby daddy, whose son according to Ngemz is also called Vin. You can’t make this stuff up.
There was tension among the Nguis. Ngemz was immediately removed from the Whatsapp group and a discussion ensued.
Githae: Huyu boy anachizi
Laku: Gaceri ni nani?
Gaks: Boss, tusongeni Dar tukasaidie boy wetu
Mwits: Manze si Sub yangu inakaa fiti *sends photo of his Subaru at the car wash*
Me: Mwits huwezi kuwa serious. Hapa tunajaribu kuona vile tutasaidia boy wetu wewe unafkiria tu gari?
Mwits: Wachana na mimi wewe huna niado
Me: *Middle finger*
Vin: Watu, tuchape hio lap ya Dar next week. Huyu msee anafaa kutoka huko.
Frodo: *Sends 30 similar photos back to back of an event that happened 2 weeks ago then goes offline for a month*
OJ: Nani anajua mse anaweza nifanyia job ya bulk printing tao?
Lehb: Government printer
Vil: *Laughing emoji*
Ricci: Tomz where are you?
Tomz: Job lakini natoka in the next 17 minutes
Lehb: *Sends a bizarre porn video*
Kimya: Friends, I have an urgent appeal. Can someone send me 500 I will refund by next week
Virus: Kazi kwisha. Vin tupatane Mojos nitanunua vodka na nyama
Gaks: Ata mimi nipatie 20 minutes nakam
Virus: Nikona 500
Well, it’s not exactly the tension you may expect but you get the picture. Most people in the group live their own fantasy worlds in their heads but the Ngemz’s issue was rife in the general sense. A character like Sithe is the introvert of the group. Reads everything but remains mum.
Ngemz called me later on in the day. I received the call in haste because of how delicate the issue was.
Kwanini hujakuwa ukinitafuta?
Hunipigiangi simu na unajua kule tumetoka.
Ngemz unasound different.
Unataka kusema nini?
Mimi nasema tu unasound different.
Mwas mimi nachizi. Zile vitu nimekuja kujua. Chungana na watu sana.
Ngemz wewe rudi Kenya kwanza. Sijui unafanya nini huko.
Nakam. On Wednesday.
Ngemz sounded so different. He was needy and paranoid. At some point, it even started creeping on me. I was with Vin the weekend he was being accused of traveling to Dar to see Gaceri. I started thinking of the possibility that maybe he could have been pretending to go home after the night out and detour hurriedly to the airport to catch a flight to Dar. Yes, paranoia was slowly creeping in.
Eventually, Ngemz came back safe and sound. We all met him and tried to get him off deep thoughts. The Dar story is a subject nobody dares talk about. Nobody has ever dared to coerce him into confessing what exactly had transpired while he was there – except me. Because I am never scared of delving into any topic no matter how sensitive. It almost always ends up in a heated argument, but that never stops me from continually pursuing it. They don’t call me Mwaki Flames for nothing.
For now, at least we’re glad Ngemz is okay. The original Ngemz is back. Aren’t we all glad he is? He doesn’t sound like he would be willing to go back to that place. As for me, I know I am not willing to visit Dar any time soon.
So Virus, how were you buying drinks and nyama with 500 again?